I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize