we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
