Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
