I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
