Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She told me I should be a condom model.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
