i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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