Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
