Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize