I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
