i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
