i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize