we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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