threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
