...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
