Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
