The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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