if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I love black thongs
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
