i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
