True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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