I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
