Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
