Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
