You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
