i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
