I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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