so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
