i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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