Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
