tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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