Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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