No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
