dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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