either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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