The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
