I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
