im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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