remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she pinky promised me she was 18
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
