I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
