I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
