I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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