I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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