yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
