its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize