whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
