I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
