I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
