Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
