I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
