Screwed.edu
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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