help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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