Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
