come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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