omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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