my phone needs a breathalizer
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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