absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
