my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
