I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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