I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
