Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
