I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
