if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize