i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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