Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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