no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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