I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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