What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
