Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
