why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize