I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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